Exhausted? Holy shit.

Accordingly · Issue 11

Hey everyone, John here.

Last week I bled on this page. Six hours of crying. Unconditional love met with a checklist. I meant every word. My son and I talked about it and drew a couple boundaries. There are more coming but we’re good in this moment.

This last Monday morning my buddy Nate was in the studio. We were working on the next song for our upcoming Prime Specimen record. And we had to rewrite the words. Because the lyrics we had didn’t fit who I am anymore. The old version of me wrote those words and they don’t belong to the person sitting in that chair now. So we sat there all morning, rewriting, until noon. And it felt like the most natural creative work I’ve done in a long time. Making something honest with someone I trust. What we’ve done with these songs I wrote when i was a young 21-23 year old, who was full of heartbreak, grief, and hatred in those old moments, is nothing short of amazing. I am so blessed and grateful to have someone so talented lend themselves to me aspirations.

Monday evening I gave Clear Start Mondays. Week 31. What Do You Actually Need. And it hit me harder than it hit anyone in the room. Because the week previously in therapy, my therapist guided me to realize: I have never once in my life taken an honest inventory of what I actually need to exist. What I need.

“I am” has always been how I’ve approached things. I just exist. I just show up. I just keep believing something good is coming. But I’ve never stopped to ask what I need in order to keep doing that. That landed on me like a truck on Thursday morning and I’m still sitting with it.

Tuesday I had clients in the studio at 8 AM. Three girls, two sisters and their cousin, supported by their grandmother. They’re recording their versions of classic Christmas songs and they wrote an original take on one of them. The energy in that room was pure joy. After the session the grandmother and I got to talking. Turns out she did finance coaching for a while. We had one of those conversations where two people recognize each other’s path without having to explain it.

After the studio I had a coaching session. Then guitar lessons. I’m up to four students again. My newest is five years old. He told me everything he felt about everything. What he liked. What he didn’t. What he thought about the guitar. I just held the space and kept redirecting him back to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on a three string beginner guitar that the woman who runs CRFAS graciously provided. She’s also letting me give workshops this month. Intro to guitar. Maintenance. How to perform in front of people. I’m excited.

Wednesday my wife and I drove to Sweetwater at 6 AM. Got there at 10:30 because of single lane highway traffic for three quarters of the trip. Met up with my old client turned sales consultant Pat. Picked up everything I needed for the band’s in-ear monitor system. On the drive home we took the scenic route through Ann Arbor since she had taking then day off and my wife and I had one of those growth conversations. The kind where you process hard things from the beginning of your relationship and you both cry and you both come out the other side lighter. It’s done. It’s gone. I talked about it in therapy the next day and let it go.

Thursday. Woke up at 3 AM. Fell back asleep at 5. Up at 6. The Christmas girls were back at 8 and everyone was turned up to 11. Great session. And then the grandmother told me something that stopped me.

She gets this newsletter. Through the shared email between Bang Recording and RVS Coaching. She read the first issue I ever released. She liked it so much she shared it with her husband. He’s a finance coach who speaks to CEOs and business owners. She suggested he use the ideas from my letter in his next talk. I said “As long as he quotes me” I’m flattered to have an impact on someone in that sense.

After the studio I had therapy. After therapy I had lunch with Lauren. After lunch I drove to Valparaiso to meet a man named John Zapata at a homeless shelter called Daybreak. He found me through a business card my barber Nate Cox handed him. Nate’s a stand up guy, a great guitarist, and someone I’m grateful to know. John Z let me give him a condensed life story, tell him why I coach, who I coach, what I’m pulled to. He was kind. Patient. He showed me around the entire facility. 65 beds. Three tiers of residents. Coed space for detox, recovery, and people who love the program so much they get promoted from within. Kitchen serves three other nonprofit locations. Donation driven. The whole thing.

We figured out an opportunity for me to give one of my workshops to the people staying there. And if it lands well, we transition it into something ongoing. I told him I’d also be back at Thanksgiving to help serve food.

After that I came home, unpacked gear, and three hours later my bandmates showed up. We jammed with the in-ear monitors for the first time. And everyone lost their minds. You could hear everything. You could feel everything. We all just stood there grinning at each other like idiots.

My therapist told me today that the first thing out of my mouth in session was about music. About loving music.

I didn’t plan this week. I didn’t optimize it. I didn’t build a funnel or a strategy or a content calendar around it. I just showed up. As myself. And the life I’ve been building met me where I was.

A songwriter. A coach. A teacher. A husband having a real conversation on a scenic route. A father figuring out what he actually needs for the first time in his life. A guy in a shelter parking lot saying yes to something that matters. A guitarist hearing his band clearly for the first time and losing his mind about it.

This is what living accordingly actually looks like. The Tuesday. The Thursday. The 2 AM sitting next to my cat realizing I’ve been up for almost 24 hours because the day was too full to stop.

This Monday on Clear Start Mondays:

Week 32. What Choices Are You Not Seeing.

Last week we asked what you actually need. This week we look at the patterns that keep you from seeing what’s available to you. When you’re running on autopilot, when the noise is loud, when you’ve never stopped to take inventory, the mind narrows. It shows you two options and hides the rest. Monday we go looking for what you’ve been missing.

Monday · 6pm CST · rvscoaching.com/clearstart

One thing to notice before you show up:

This week, notice when your mind gives you only two options. Stay or leave. Fight or shut down. Say something or swallow it. Then ask yourself: what’s the third thing? It’s always there. You just haven’t been looking for it.

This week’s quote:

“Anything that doesn’t bring you joy is the product of someone else’s influence.” — John Hehman

What I’m listening to:

Our first band practice through in-ear monitors. I know that’s a weird answer. But hearing four people suddenly able to hear each other clearly for the first time, watching everyone’s face change at the same moment, that’s the best thing I’ve listened to all week.

See you Monday.

John