What does being true to yourself actually look like?

Accordingly · Issue 07

Hey everyone, John here.

I’ve been sitting with a question this week that sounds simple until you actually try to answer it.

What does being true to yourself look like?

Not the bumper sticker version. Not “live your truth” or “be authentic.” The real version. The one where you actually have to sit down and figure out what you emotionally need to feel safe. Loved. Productive. Mildly challenged. Cared for. Encouraged. Supported.

Most people never do that inventory. I didn’t for a long time. And here’s why: we’re not taught to look for it. We’re taught to perform. We’re taught that certain rooms require certain versions of us. That showing up the same way everywhere is naive or unprofessional or too much. So we wear masks. Not because we’re dishonest, but because at some point we decided that’s how you survive.

And then one day you’re standing in the middle of your own life and you can’t remember which version is real.

Here’s what I’ve been realizing. Authenticity isn’t just about how you show up for other people. It’s about how you show up for yourself. What you actually want. What’s distracting you from it. What pulls you. What brings you energy. What brings you contentment. What makes you feel like you’re not performing anymore.

Society has a machine for this. It feeds you a script. Go to school. Get the job. Buy the thing. Climb the ladder. And if you don’t fit, something must be wrong with you. But there’s nothing wrong with you. You just never stopped long enough to ask what actually makes you feel safe enough to grow. To feel contentment. To say “this feels really nice” and mean it. And then wonder what else is possible from that place.

Some people spend their entire lives trying to figure this out. And it’s not because they’re broken or behind. Truthfully! It’s because nobody taught them to look for what makes them feel safe enough to start. That’s one of the keys to how self discovery actually works. Not ambition. Not discipline. Safety first. Then growth.

That’s what I’m building everything around. The coaching. The music. This letter. Clear Start Mondays. All of it points back to the same idea. You don’t have to be another cog in the machine. You can do your thing. You just have to find what that is. And finding it starts with asking what you need to feel safe, not what the world expects you to produce.

This Monday on Clear Start Mondays:

Week 28. Response vs. Reaction.

Over the last few weeks we’ve gone deep. The noise underneath the noise. Judgment versus discernment. Curiosity and wonder. This Monday we look at something you feel every day but might not have language for yet. The difference between a reaction and a response. One is automatic. One is chosen. One leaves residue. One leaves clarity. Monday we learn what each one feels like so you can start catching it in real time.

Monday · 6pm CST · rvscoaching.com/clearstart

This week’s quote:

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

What I’m listening to:

I’ve been listening to a lot this last week but the track that keeps coming back to me is “Limelight” by Rush. It’s such a good song and the emotional pull they nail with the music really adds to the message of universal observance that Geddy is conveying.

See you Monday.

John